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| In Memory of Miss Cookie Miyuki | |||
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 10/17/87 - 10/22/03 about losing miss cookie home archives contact us
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Saturday, June 12, 2004 Today is the last day I will spend in this apartment. It is a hard reality to face knowing that tomorrow, I will move out of the place where Cookie spent her last days. I face a multitude of emotions as I look around at the bare walls and boxes in the apartment that once brought so much happiness. With the moss green walls and the terra cotta accent color over the fireplace, this apartment was the one I loved the most. I’ve lived in three other apartments before this one and none other felt more homey and spacious as this one. Everything about this apartment was perfect for me and for Cookie, until she died. Before moving into this apartment, I made Cookie promise me she would live long enough to move me into this place from our former residence. It never dawned on me at the time, that I was asking her this favor because I knew what was about to happen. I just wanted her to be with me and to bless this new place we would share together, just as we had shared all the other places before. As with each new home, I always made sure Cookie had a special place for herself to make her feel comfortable. Here – as with most places -- she loved the sunshine and delighted in lounging near the patio, soaking in the bright light that radiated from beyond the glass door. I hoped Cookie was as happy to live in this new place as I was. Every night before I went to bed, I would stand at the hallway door and look out at the living room and smile. I was so excited to finally have a place I truly loved. I hoped living here would bring my dog and I happiness and comfort as we had never seen before living on our own. No more than 3 weeks after moving in, Cookie passed away. To date, that loss was the hardest one I ever faced. That first week following her death, I promised myself I would only move out of the apartment if it meant I was moving to a place I was buying. The thought of moving out of the last place Cookie ever lived just broke my heart. It was here I shared my last memories with her. It was here I tried so hard to make Cookie feel comfortable in a home she would only know of for three weeks. It was here that my heart crumbled into a million pieces. I promised myself that it would be a long, long, LONG time before I would ever move out. How could I attempt to reclaim the pieces of my heart if I left too soon? No, I told myself I would never leave. It is in this apartment that I still continue to feel the presence of Cookie – it gives me comfort and peace and I will never let it go. But tomorrow, I will leave this apartment and it part, I am letting Cookie go – and that is something I am just not ready for. I put off this move for six weeks and at this moment, I am praying for more time here. I know tomorrow will come quicker than I would like so for now, I am relishing in each minute I spend here hoping that by tomorrow morning, I can bear the pain that will ensue. I will never forget… posted by lisa | linkorama | | Wednesday, June 02, 2004 Tonite, while cleaning out my apartment, I found items of Cookie's scattered amongst my own belongings. It wasn't a surprise that they were there, but seeing them caught me off-guard and the emotions and feelings of her passing overwhelmed me. Maybe I should toss them...but I couldn't bear to throw away ANY of her belongings -- not the doggy shampoo, the old bottles of meds or the Heartguard medicine she once broke into and ate ALL OF (they apparently taste like treats). It doesn't get any easier, no matter how many days or months or even years pass. It's just how we deal with the loss that matters. Sometimes I wonder how I've gotten this far and other times I hate that I've gotten this far. Damned if I do, damed if I don't. posted by lisa | linkorama | | |
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