blog*spot
get rid of this ad | advertise here
In Memory of Miss Cookie Miyuki


10/17/87 - 10/22/03

about losing miss cookie

home
archives
contact us

my favorite links

My Life...(and other meaningless drivel)

Dr. Alice Villalobos

PetCo

HaloScan

Guide Dogs of America

Guide Dogs for the Blind





It's Miss Cookie!





This page is powered by Blogger.



Monday, October 27, 2003  

I just finished typing this entire thing about Cookie and hit "post" and the entire thing just vanished. I should have known it. My heart just sank when I realized it disappeared. Normally I would have cursed at my computer, just short of throwing it out the window. This time though I felt what happened was typical considering all the shit I've gone through in the last week. Why wouldn't it disappear? Why wouldn't some heartfelt thing I wrote about Cookie just vanish, everything else seems to.

This time last week my entire life changed. I was about to lose the one thing I loved the most in this world. Cookie was my life. Everything I did, I had to think about her. From going out or even staying in, I had to make sure Cookie was taken care of. Sometimes, I wanted more freedom, but for the most part I was so grateful I had her. As she got older, I tried to prepare myself for what it would be like when I would eventually have to say good-bye. In one way, I never thought I would have to.

Today, I went back to work for the first time since I lost her. When my alarm went off, I instinctively reached for Cookie only to find the pillow she used to sleep on in her place. Going back and forth from the bathroom to my bedroom while getting ready, I kept expecting to see her sleeping until I would take her out for potty. As I walked out the door, I saw her leash just sitting there near the door. I was sad seeing the grass outside knowing that I didn't have to walk Cookie that morning.

At work, I kept looking at pictures of Cookie to remind myself that I needed to feel sad and that she was gone. I was afraid of getting too wrapped up in my work that I might forget her for just one moment. I couldn't bear to let that happen. But sure enough, I did get so busy that I did forget she was gone and I really hated myself for that.

When I left for home, I was sad knowing that there really wasn't any reason to go home. After all, what was left there for me now? All I really wanted was to go home and hug Cookie and look at her to know that everything would be all right. The last four years I did that if I was feeling down or angry or frustrated. What would I do with myself now?

I just miss my dog. I miss announcing my arrival or departure in a room to Cookie only to see her raise her ears and ignore me. I miss hearing her eating her food or lapping up her water. I even miss her awful stench when I knew it was time for a bath. I surround myself with her pictures - on my night table, the tv, bookshelf, mantle, desk, bulletin board...she's my screen saver and my desktop image on my computer at work and at home. I don't know what to do with myself. If I talk about her too much it bothers me because it gets me too sad, but if I don't talk about her I feel the same way.

I don't feel like she's gone yet, maybe that's because I don't want to believe it. Either way, it doesn't matter, she's gone. I look around my apartment and it is not the same anymore. I am surrounded by her stuff becuase I can't bear to put anything away. I want to know when I will feel better but at the same time, if I do, I think that will break my heart more than anything.

I hung out with a friend this evening and while he was being his usual amusing self, all I wanted to do was be at home and think about and remember Cookie. I am really freaked out that all Cookie will be to me soon is just a memory. How can that be good enough? Cookie kept me sane when the world around me was spinning out of control or when my life wasn't the way I needed it to be. All I had to do was be near her to know that as long as I had my dog, I had nothing to worry about. I loved Cookie more than I ever thought I could...without her around, I really don't know what I am going to do. How will I ever be ok?

posted by lisa | linkorama | |
Comments:
Lots of people really are being affected by pay day loan credit card debt in america due to unpleasant financial system. With ailments difficult day after day, there are actually far more familys tormented by having less work opportunities. Many possess turned into payday cash loans, which cost tremendously large interest levels together with can result in the menstrual cycle about non stop credit card debt. There are lots of who wish to learn to avoid a payday advance loan, although don't know that actions requested to take action. You will need to understand how to eliminate a new payday loan right away in order to may well avoid out of all the more deficits a result of low interest rates. This short article provide you with a step-by-step information to eliminate which will online payday loan personal debt.
The way to lose a cash payday loan Which includes a
[url=http://pozyczkidlazadluzonych.org.pl]pożyczki dla zadłużonych[/url]

The 1st step that you have to consider to acquire out of payday loans consumer debt is certainly name a skilled online payday loan consolidator quickly. These lenders in addition to all those will have that knowledge were required to settle on your behalf to recieve the more affordable charge. Numerous pay day loan providers realise that some might do not ever get hold of any of his or her money back should they are usually not extra lenient regarding apr. Occasionally, the eye quotes for a lending product are usually fully slashed while basically the leading lending product has to be returned.
[url=http://pozyczka-pozabankowa.net.pl]kredyt bez zaświadczeń warszawa[/url]

For many who need various cash advance loans so that you can several firms, this really an incredibly essential include considering that it will certainly reduce the bill impediment much. More importantly, all the payday cash loan consolidator will usually manage any loan product to get started a relief to your repayment to them.
Losing a payday advance loan by just Safeguarding
[url=http://kredytprzezinternet24.net.pl]kredyt przez internet w anglii[/url]

Phase 2 fundamental step up eliminating fast cash advance arrears may be to can quite a few considerable introspective spirit searching approximately the having to pay routines. There are many with purpose you may be within pay day loan financial debt, nonetheless high spending is probably a massive result in intended for challenge. When you're eating at restaurants, irrelevant of how low-priced, anyone are likely spending excessively. If you'd like to find out how to remove an easy payday loan, it is advisable to very first discover ways to make big savings.
[url=http://chwilowki-bez-bik.net.pl]chwilówki bez bik uk[/url]

You can use this unique by visiting the actual food store in order to fill your current food items necessities. Get primarily the requirements, along the lines of loaf of bread, offspring, vegetables, plus produce, and avoid every other sugary sodas or even food that might be dangerous for one's spending plan. Using discount codes is usually an alternative tool for being economical which you can use that allows you to be worthwhile the borrowing products much quicker.
[url=http://kredyt-na-dowod.org.pl]kredyt na dowód bez bik tarnów[/url]

At last, try and slash out there all of the amusement you ought to put money into during the thirty days. This could imply people avoid having a drink, refrain from movie theaters, and / or some other variety of happiness that is being most people capital. It can be moments to help to make surrender to acquire a person's payday cash loan debts addressed quickly.
[url=http://pozyczkagotowkowa24.net.pl]konsolidacja bez biku[/url]
 
Post a Comment

click here to read archived posts