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| In Memory of Miss Cookie Miyuki | |||
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 10/17/87 - 10/22/03 about losing miss cookie home archives contact us
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Tuesday, November 18, 2003 Everytime I read the entries on this site, I think about what I need to say to convey what I am feeling. I still haven't been able to do that yet. Sometimes, I think maybe I love Cookie too much and that I should learn to let go. What is the point of that though? There is no shame in loving your dog and grieving her loss. What am I supposed to do about that though? Do I continue to talk about her until I am "ok?" Will I ever truly be "ok?" Honestly, I don't think I will ever be the same. I am still not "ok" with Mamo & Papo being gone, but I've learned to adjust without them. When Papo died, it was the first real loss that I could understand in my head and my heart. I think I cried myself to sleep for months afterwards trying to make sense of it all. I remember surrounding myself with everything that reminded me of him - dolls he and Mamo gave me from their vacations, pictures, old sweaters and jackets. I wrote him letters about what was going on in my life hoping that by doing so, he would somehow know how much I missed him. I would purposely devote time to think about him before I went to sleep feeling that my tears were my connection to him. When Mamo died though, I was more distraught then ever. I felt a connection with her that I felt with no other. Becuase of that, I wanted to try and keep her spirit alive by doing what she would have done or said when possible. Sometimes that wasn't the best thing to do, but I didn't care. If Mamo would say it, so then would I. While grieving Mamo's loss, this time I had Cookie. When I looked into her big brown eyes, I felt like I saw a part of Mamo's soul in her. Cookie took care of me by just being there, by letting me love her and play with her when I was sad and crying, then stayed with me instead of walking away like she normally would have. When Mamo was gone, I felt lost. Without Cookie I feel lost too. Honestly, if I don't allow myself to fully think about what happened, I'm ok. When I do truly think about being without Cookie, I just can't stop being sad and angry that I am left without her. posted by lisa | linkorama | |
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