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| In Memory of Miss Cookie Miyuki | |||
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 10/17/87 - 10/22/03 about losing miss cookie home archives contact us
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Tuesday, November 04, 2003 I know I cannot do this to myself, but I keep thinking that maybe I could have done more for Cookie before she died. I worry that maybe I didn't pay enough attention to her or lived in places that made her sick or could have prevented her eye from getting infected. I know her kidney and liver problems were chronic and it's not as if my actions (or lack thereof) caused her illnesses. Just last year, she was still more active and able to maneuver up and down the stairs of my old apartment on her own. It is when she got her eye infection that her health started to go downhill. She wasn't as active because the e-collar kept her from moving around, especially navigating the stairs; her muscles became even more mushy and inactive and she began having problems walking around; she started sleeping more too. Maybe I should have taken her to the vet earlier. I worried a lot. My friend's cat died relatively recently. His cat lived with his family on the East Coast, but his parents told him they thought the cat was dying as it was sleeping all the time. When it did die, I worried that Cookie's inactivity and more frequent sleeping was the same sign. It wasn't unlike Cookie to sleep half the day away, but when it seemed like she was sleeping even more often, I wanted to believe that maybe it was a phase. I couldn't deny that she was getting older and had encountered a lot of health issues in the last year of her life. However, I really wanted to believe that she was the only dog who would live to be 50. She was able to get through every other problem in her life, why not whatever she was dealing with now? I know that if I keep obsessing about what could have been, it will do nothing but depress me. But, it's natural to think "what if." I hope Cookie didn't think that I gave up on her too soon by letting her go and knew that I loved her and always will. I'm still not ready to let her go and want nothing more than to have her back with me. posted by lisa | linkorama | |
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