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| In Memory of Miss Cookie Miyuki | |||
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 10/17/87 - 10/22/03 about losing miss cookie home archives contact us
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Friday, November 28, 2003 My family came over for Thanksgiving...and as suspected I was exhausted. When the topic of Cookie came up though, I didn't want to be around to talk about it. I felt less comfortable talking about her to my own family (I'm talking about my extended family) than to my friends. Of course, I don't really know them at all, so talking about something so personal to what feels like strangers is pretty hard to do. Talking to my parents today, I knew I would get sad about Cookie. I felt really empty today. When my parents left, I never felt more lonely. Nothing felt right because I didn't have Cookie around. I tried lying on the couch with Cookie's pillow but that didn't help either. I just tried to keep myself occupied - watched a movie, did some laundry, deep conditioned my hair. Of course none of this helped. Part of me wanted to go out and not deal with how I was feeling, but how could I avoid it? I knew even if I went out and was around other people, I'd just be thinking about Cookie the entire time. I moved the blanket that was in front of the window where Cookie used to sunbathe as the relatives came for Thanksgiving. I knew that if I left it there, I'd probably get pissed off if they so much commented on it. My grandmother pointed out the astout fact that Cookie's food bowl was still out and though I know it was an innocent observant comment, it annoyed me. No offence to her, but at that moment, I just wanted everyone out of my apartment. Today, after everyone left and I was left by myself, I tried putting the blanket back, but it just wasn't the same. I couldn't put it back because it wouldn't be in the exact same spot when Cookie came home that evening, so what was the point? I hate that Cookie is gone, I really goddamn, mother fucking hate it (am I allowed to swear on the blog? If not...oops and I'm sorry). I fucking hate that she was taken from me when I still need her. Dr. V said something like she believed pets are put in our lives for a reason and only taken away when their purpose here is complete. If that were true, then why is Cookie gone now? Doesn't God or whoever put her here realize that I truly can't remain sane and survive without her? I can do one or the other, but not both. posted by lisa | linkorama | |
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