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| In Memory of Miss Cookie Miyuki | |||
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 10/17/87 - 10/22/03 about losing miss cookie home archives contact us
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Sunday, November 16, 2003 Today I was in a pretty bad mood. I thought maybe it was fatigue as I just wasn't in the mood to deal with people at all today. I ran some errands, got really annoyed when it took me like 20+ minutes to find parking at Target and everyone was getting in my way when I finally made it into the store. I flaked on hanging out with a friend becuase I just didn't feel in the mood to be around people. I wanted to be alone. I called my friend and flaked and hoped I wasn't being annoying. Then as I was driving home, I realized it wasn't me being in a bad mood, it was that I missed Cookie and then I started to cry. All of my emotions were bottled up (maybe in denial) and it was coming across as anger when really it was sadness. All the way home, I just wanted to be home but I wanted Cookie to be there when I walked through the door. When I got home, I fell asleep on her leopard print bone shaped pillow. I woke up feeling much better, but still sad. Honestly, I feel really lonely without Cookie. Then I started to feel guilty. I worried that when she was around I wasn't at home enough and now that she's not, I only want to be home. Sometimes I feel guilty that I wasn't around enough for her towards the end. I know I can't think too much about that or else it will just drive me crazy, but I really can't help feeling the way I do. Maybe I am just looking for a reason to blame her passing on. There is no reason why she passed away. She just did. It happens and I know that there isn't anything I could have done to prevent that from happening. I truly believe that when it is your time to go, there's nothing you can do to change that. posted by lisa | linkorama | |
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