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| In Memory of Miss Cookie Miyuki | |||
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 10/17/87 - 10/22/03 about losing miss cookie home archives contact us
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Wednesday, December 31, 2003 This is the last day of 2003 and in one way, I feel like when the ball drops in Times Square, I will be leaving Cookie behind in 2003. Sounds really final and depressing and awful, doesn't it? I felt like that on New Years Eve 1987 when Papo died and in 1996 when Mamo died too. Then, it was really hard for me to leave behind the idea of their respective passings because I in part felt like I was leaving them behind too. Of course, I know that isn't true, but losing them really hit me hard and I didn't know how to move on. I guess I don't know how to accept loss. When I was really young, I remember my parents always told me I was lucky for so many reasons (which they would talk about). One of the reasons I was lucky was because I had both sets of grandparents AND a great-grandmother alive. My dad told me recently he always considered me lucky in that regard because he never really knew his grandparents and to be able to have any memories at all of them was something he always wanted. When my grandfather (my dad's father) passed away when I was six, I still remember wondering if that meant I wasn't lucky anymore. When my great-grandmother died a few years after that, I wondered what was happening. Was my luck running out? Maybe. But as long as I had Mamo and Papo around, I would always be lucky because they were my shining stars and they meant more to me than almost anyone in the world. When Papo got sick and died though, I felt like I wasn't lucky and had grandpa continued to live, Papo would be here too. I know now of course that it wasn't because grandpa died that Papo died. I did however know that I had to hold onto those people or beings that enriched my life and made me a better person. So when I lose someone who has done so much to not only make my life fuller, but also for those around me, I don't know how to say good-bye. Each day though, things get easier and I know I can't feel too guilty if I don't think about Cookie all the time or if I enjoy playing with or seeing other dogs. I already know that I will never be able to really let her go because honestly, I have never been able to do that when anyone I love passes. Maybe that's unhealthy, but it doesn't matter -- I do what I have to do for me right now. posted by lisa | linkorama | |
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