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| In Memory of Miss Cookie Miyuki | |||
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 10/17/87 - 10/22/03 about losing miss cookie home archives contact us
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Tuesday, April 20, 2004 It's been several, several, several days since I've typed an entry here. I've been meaning to though. Lately though, it seems that I can't not think of Cookie -- more so than usual I'm afraid. I'm hitting the 6 month point...6 long months since Cookie passed -- 6 months of being without her, 6 months of emptiness and loss. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do to make myself think of her less or feel any better. Unfortunately, I feel even sadder and more empty without Cookie these days. My birthday is coming up...my first birthday without her and it feels horrible. The way I feel seems even more empty and sad than when my grandparents passed away. Yes, I've written that before, and though I feel horrible and hate having to say that, it's true. I don't know why I can't get past this. Who deals with death well? How does that happen? There are those people who can move past it and not dwell on the feeling...but I don't think I can...I don't think I ever did. I mean, I've lived for 6 months without my dog...and successfully. But I miss her...far more than I could have ever imagined. There were times when I would go on vacation and had to board her at the vet's office. By the end of my time away from her, I missed her so much that the one thing I needed more than anything was just to be near her. Spending time around her was healing, relaxing to me. Now though, when I miss her I can only rely on my memories for comfort because there is not Cookie to return to. I hate that. I hate that I can't ever see her again or hug her and just pet her little head. I've been listening to, Sherie Rene Scott's CD, Men I've Had and on it, there is a song by Jonathan Larson (he wrote the Pulitzer Prize winning musical Rent) called Love Heals and yes, since music is healing to me, this one was also meaningful: Love Heals Like a breath of midnight air Like a lighthouse Like a prayer Like the flicker and the flame the sky reveals Like a walk along the shore That you've walked a thousand times before Like the oceans roar Love heals There are those who shield their hearts Those who quit before they start Who frozen up the part of them that feels In the dark, they've lost their sight Like a ship without a star in the night But it's all right Love heals Love heals Love heals when pain's too much to bear When you reach out your hand And only the wind is there When life's unfair When things like us are not to be Love heals when you feel so small Like a grain of sand Like nothing at all When you look out at the sea That's where love will be That's where you'll find me You'll find me So if you fear the storm ahead As you lie awake in bed No one there to stroke your head And your mind reels If your face is salty wet If you're drowning in regret Just don't forget Don't forget Don't forget It's all right Love heals Love heals Love heals you Love heals Love heals -Jonathan Larson posted by lisa | linkorama | | |
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