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| In Memory of Miss Cookie Miyuki | |||
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 10/17/87 - 10/22/03 about losing miss cookie home archives contact us
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Monday, May 24, 2004 I can't believe I missed it...I thought about it, knew it was coming up but it didn't dawn on me that it was around the corner. May 22, 2004...the 7 month anniversary of Cookie's passing. I know it might seem weird to remember things like that, but taking time to remember dates like this is really important to me. **sigh** It's still really hard for me...and still I don't know what to say...:( posted by lisa | linkorama | | Wednesday, May 19, 2004 Yesterday, a co-worker brought her itty bitty dog into the office. The dog sat on her desk and watched my co-worker go about her business. I came to visit the dog, and couldn't stop petting it, thinking only about Cookie the whole time. This dog was so soft, so small and so sweet. When I got home that evening, I looked at the pictures I had of Cookie -- different poses, different length hair...different expressions. Cookie means so much to me still and never did I ever think I'd forget what she looked or felt like. Seeing these pictures of her though, reminded me of everything about her. I can remember what it felt like to pet her as I stroked her bone little back towards the end...and it only reminds me, even more of what I am missing still. I've been neglecting this blog, not posting daily as I promsied myself I would. Everyday though, I think of Cookie -- the first thing I think of when I wake up and one of the last things I think of before I go to sleep at night. Though I haven't been posting here, I do think of her everyday...all the time. I still miss her terribly and I'm so grateful I have such vivid memories still...I only hope and pray these memories never fade. posted by lisa | linkorama | | Saturday, May 08, 2004 Everybody, at some point or another, wants something that cannot have. This something could be a far fetched dream or could be something just out of reach. The worst is to want something that you once had but cannot ever have again. It's weird that I just cannot shake the absence of Cookie from my life. Especially now, when things are particularly stressful and the one thing that would give me peace of mind, the one thing that would give me comfort, would be the ability of coming home and seeing Cookie's face. It was always a calming effect on me when things were tough. posted by lisa | linkorama | | Thursday, May 06, 2004 I still think about Cookie a lot, missing her presence in my home...realizing that it's been a long time since she's lived here. The silence here without her is more apparent than before and you notice what is missing and you feel the absence. Every single night, I still think about what it was like to have her here...that I used to take her out for potty at a certain time and I used to plop her on my bed to go to sleep. I couldn't go to sleep without resting my hand on her belly, feeling the rise and fall of her stomach and her irregular heart beat. I memorized it...and when I close my eyes, I can feel it against my hand. I emblazoned that feeling and sound in my mind every night before I went to bed. When I close my eyes, I can see her face and feel her fur when I used to pet her. I imagine her walking around my apartment...even now, six months later, I can still feel her presence...and I don't want to ever let it go. Maybe the reason I don't know how to move on after someone I love passes away is because I don't want to let it go. I don't want to forget them...the only way I know how to hold on is by doing just that. It is the only thing that gives me comfort...the only way I can feel some kind of peace. All I know is that Cookie came into my life for a reason, and my life has never been the same since...and for that I am so grateful. posted by lisa | linkorama | | Sunday, May 02, 2004 I'm a lyric freak...and I can always find a way to relate to a song. Even though the song is about a break up, (and maybe I've already typed this before), but there's a song that realtes to the feeling of loss and the following lyrics on Rebecca Luker's album, Leaving Home called Getting Over You reminds me of how I feel: ..."and what will I do with my mornings? And what will I do with my nights? ...ask me when I'm through, getting over you... ...after this day is over, how will my dreams go on?" ...and I don't know if I'll ever get over missing Cookie. I feel like there is a part of my heart that will always be broken because she meant so much to me. When she died, it is as if I lost something in my life that was constant and good and loving. It was because of Cookie that I was able to get through Mamo's passing and the many major stresses of my own life... I don't know how to let it go...how not to feel so bad. Sometimes I think what I'm going through is wrong and almost unhealthy. It's not as if I don't know how to be happy without Cookie or don't have fun anymore...I do. I still live my life, I still find happiness in a lot of things, but it's that something is missing without her...and that part of it makes me so sad. I guess I just have a tendncy to write about what makes me sad here, especially when I am missing her the most. posted by lisa | linkorama | | |
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