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In Memory of Miss Cookie Miyuki


10/17/87 - 10/22/03

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Wednesday, October 13, 2004  

Every year, 365 days pass us by. Specific dates never matter much until something happens and it forever changes the meaning in our lives.

As the one and eight-year “anniversaries” of Cookie & Mamo’s (respective) passings approach, it is hard for me to look upon the end of the month of October the same. I wonder, if when Mamo was alive, if October 20th ever meant anything to her…if she ever looked at the calendar and wondered if that day would be an ordinary day. Or if it ever occurred to her that THAT day, would one day be significant in her life. As the days pass in my life, I sometimes wonder if one day a random date that passes will become significant to me one day down the road. I don’t think too much about it, but I do wonder.

When I look ahead at my calendar and see that this time last year, I had only one more week left with my dog, I wonder if I lived those last seven days to it’s fullest. I remember looking forward to a trip to the Central Coast to visit old friends…not knowing…

I look at past blog enteries and remember my mind was elsewhere, on other people and other things that once seemed so important. How could I know that one year later, those “things” would be completely meaningless.

Last year, as Cookie grew weaker and sicker, I secretly feared the approaching date of October 20th. That was the day Mamo passed away in 1996…and since her passing, the one thing that comforted me through such a traumatic loss, was my dog. My big fear was that I would loose her on the very date that I lost my grandmother. Even now, I cannot really allow my mind to “go there” for fear I cannot handle the emotions.

What am I really trying to say? Well, as usual, I learned something form my secret new favorite TV show, Starting Over. On an upcoming episode, Rhonda helps Josie cope with the death of her grandmother. Josie realizes that she idolizes her grandmother’s love for her, which is preventing her from actually embracing new love in her life. Immediately, that idea strikes a chord with me…because I too do that. I too have done that.

posted by lisa | linkorama | |
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