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| In Memory of Miss Cookie Miyuki | |||
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 10/17/87 - 10/22/03 about losing miss cookie home archives contact us
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Thursday, October 21, 2004 Today, last year, I visited Cookie for as long as humanly possible at her vet. When she was admitted at the Animal Emergency Vet, Cookie was transported the very next day to her vet office which conveniently was next door. That afternoon, I went to visit her after lunch and hoped to get some positive news about her condition from the vet. The workers there were used to seeing me...as I was there almost weekly (if not daily) in the past month. The last visit, I remember seeing a mother and her grown daughter waiting for their appointment with their rather ill small dog. They told me stories about the vet they had seen and hated because she suggested euthanizing their dog prematurely (which unfortunately was the same vet I was seeing with Cookie). The mother told me about having to put their dog down a few years before and how their second dog (the one currently ill) saved them from being too sad about the death of their dog. The daughter scolded her mother for telling me such a story when Cookie was so seemingly sick. I smiled politely and said not to worry, but secretly, I was afraid that it was a sign. Anyway…I was led into an exam room and the nurse told me Cookie would be in shortly. This was different…for as many times as I had come to visit Cookie, never were we given our own room to visit in. I figured I was getting in the way back in the hospital area, so they put me in a room. But…they put me us in a room for a very, very long time. At first, I was annoyed because we were there to visit and a doctor was supposed to come in and give me an update at some point that afternoon. I sat in that room with Cookie for a good 2+ hours. We made the most of it. I told her that she was sick, but I promised that she would be ok after seeing Dr. V because the doctors here were mean and possibly incompetent. So I talked to Cookie as she buried her head in the palm of my had, sat on my lap all the while, I was stroking her small, sweet head. She was quite perky and had more energy than she had in the last two weeks. I hoped it was all because things were going to get better and I’d have my old dog back to her normal self. Cookie was 16, but dogs her size lived until at least 20. I truly hoped time would be kind to us. But then…I got nervous. What if this was the end? What if after I left, she relapsed and passed…what if I wasn’t there for her when it happened? Would she be alone in this wretched cage? I was so scared…so I started to tell her “good-bye”…just in case. I let her know with tears streaming down my face, that it would be ok if she had to die…because I would love her anyway and that I understood. I told her I would be ok (what a fucking lie). I told her that she was the best thing that ever happened to me…that the years we spent together meant the world to me. But…if she had to go…I wouldn’t be angry with her. I hoped my emotional speech was unnecessary. Then, the vet came in. She explained to me after looking at her x-rays that she was very sick. I wasn’t listening fully because I truly believed she didn’t know a single fucking thing. I thought she was a cold, heartless, incompetent cunt who had the audacity to tell me…”they are always brightest at the end,” patted me on the shoulder and walked out. I tried to regain some kind of composure and thanked her…because I had to leave Cookie that night and didn’t want her to harm my dog. As I left in complete and utter shock…I remember telling myself that seeing Dr. V the next day would solve all of my problems. I told my parents and my friends that I had complete faith in her. Reason being, she was my co-worker’s vet (and she loved her) and after speaking with Dr. V for the last few days about Cookie’s condition, I had created an overwhelming sense of trust for this complete stranger. She had been studying Cookie’s case…been faxed Cookie’s records…and she was going to give me the real scoop on Cookie’s condition. “Whatever she suggests we do…will be my answer…no matter what,” I kept telling myself. I knew that the next day held my answers…I only wish I knew how much that would hurt. posted by lisa | linkorama | |
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