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| In Memory of Miss Cookie Miyuki | |||
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 10/17/87 - 10/22/03 about losing miss cookie home archives contact us
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Tuesday, October 05, 2004 Tonite, Dr. V sent me the photos I've been waiting for. Last year, right before we put Cookie down, she took pictures of Cookie -- for me, for herself. She's a busy lady and I've been anxiously awaiting them. Yet tonite, when I got those photos, it was as if they arrived when they were supposed to -- it wasn't too soon but it wasn't too late. Looking at the images of my dog...she looked so tired, so ready to go...and everything just came back to me. I remember visiting Cookie at her normal vet office after the first "death scare" and seeing life in her eyes again and she was active and reminded me of the way she used to be...when she was younger. I told the vet that and I remember she placed a hand on my shoulder and told me, "they are always the brightest right before they go." I was so angry at this comment. I was enraged. I wanted to tell her off and take Cookie into my arms and tell this hack of a vet that she didn't know what she was talking about. But deep down, deep, deep, deep down...I feared her words held truth. That day when I visited Cookie, I wasn't sure if I would ever see her again. I held her and stroked her gentle head and told her how much she was loved. I prayed not that she would live forever, but that this wouldn't be the end. Every person who has ever meant anything to me, has died before I had a chance to say good-bye -- I couldn't loose Cookie the same way. So I told her that if she had to go, that it would be ok with me...but only because I loved her so much. I wanted nothing more than for her to live forever...with me. But I knew I couldn't have the impossible. I said good-bye to her out of fear that I wouldn't get the chance again. At the same time though, I prayed that maybe I was wrong and that Cookie would come through and live for 20+ years. I was told that small dogs could live that long and my baby was only 16 -- she had at least 4 more years, right? And God knew that I couldn't live without her. He had taken everyone else that I loved too soon -- but I didn't need anyone in my life as desperately as I needed my dog. My biggest fear in life was losing my parents or my dog. I wasn't ready to experience such a traumatic loss, not yet...not ever. I was afraid to love Cookie when I first had her because I was afriad to loose her. And now that I was able to love her, I didn't know how not to love her. posted by lisa | linkorama | |
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